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Thursday December 13th 2018

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The Mature Adult

Provided by Norma–Thank you Norma for thinking of us–

Indian Mating Season

Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were
Walking in the woods.  All of a sudden one of
The Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of
A small cave.

“Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!” he called into the
Cave, and then he listened very closely until he
Heard an answering, “Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!”
He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other
Indian what that was all about.  Was the other
Indian crazy or what?

“No,” said the Indian. “It is our custom during mating
Season  When Indian men see cave, they call ‘Wooooo!
Wooooo! Wooooo!’ into the opening.  If they get an
Answer back, it means there is a girl in there waiting
To mate”

Just then they saw another cave. The Indian ran up
To the opening of the cave, stopped, and hollered,
“Woooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!”  Immediately, there
Was an answering “Wooooo!Wooooo! Wooooo!”
from deep inside the cave.  He tore off his clothes
And ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone
For a while, and then he came upon a great big cave..
As he looked in, he was amazed at the size of the
Huge opening.  He was thinking, “Oh, man!  Look
At the size of this cave!  It is bigger than those the
Indians found. There must be some really big,
Fine women in this cave!”
He stood in front of the opening and hollered with
All his might, “Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!” He
Grinned and closed his eyes in anticipation, and then
He heard the answering call, “WOOOOOOOOO!
WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!” With a gleam in
His eyes, and a smile on his face, he raced into the
Cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper
Read…..

… (Get ready–) ….

~NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN~

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It’s Quick, It’s Easy, It’s Painless…It’s on Line

If you couldn’t be part of a Relay For Life team but still wanted to help now’s your chance!

Our Shell Knob Relay For Life teams our registered on line and need your donation.

www.relayforlife.org/sbcmo

Here is a list of the active Shell Knob Teams:

Shell Knob Warriors

Lake View Dream Makers

Lake Bloomers

Thank you for support in fighting cancer!

Please just come out and cheer us on, as we

Relay For Life July 16th and 17th  7:00pm~7:00am

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-22

  • Wow this weekend is hot in Shell Knob! Check out the news on http://www.OzarkAdvertiser.com #
  • Rain, rain, rain, go away as this weekend is supposed to be great lake weather! #
  • Buy a ticket for ten dollars and take a chance on winning $1,000 in merchandise from a Shell Knob merchant #

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Buy a ticket for ten dollars a…

Buy a ticket for ten dollars and take a chance on winning $1,000 in merchandise from a Shell Knob merchant

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Wow this weekend is hot in She…

Wow this weekend is hot in Shell Knob! Check out the news on http://www.OzarkAdvertiser.com

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Report from Rusty Rickard Central Crossing Fire District

FIRE DEPARTMENT LOWERS RATING

The Central Crossing Fire Protection District is proud to announce that the ISO rating has been lowered.  Effective September 1, 2010 the new rating will be a class 7.  Many hours of work have gone into this rating to prepare for the final evaluation.  The evaluation took place in November & on Monday May 17 the announcement came.  Although we are very pleased with the lower rating, we are not satisfied.  Our goal was to achieve a class 6 & we missed that by only a few points.  The way the ISO class rating works is the lower the class the better it is.  Once all the paperwork has all come in, we will review the items that cost us points & see what we can do to meet our goal.  ISO is the company that provides information about fire departments to many insurance companies to help them figure premiums & types of insurance to offer to personal & commercial property owners.  If you see a firefighter, thank them for the hard work they have given to lower your rating.  This is a way that the department can give back to the tax payers by saving them money on their insurance rates.  When we can achieve our goal of a class 6, even more savings will be given on residential insurance premiums.  Anyone who has insurance on a home, building or business should contact their insurance company & make them aware of the new lower rating that will take place on September 1st.  Anyone having questions can call the fire department at 858-3560.    

 

WEEKEND HOME FIRE KEEPS FIREFIGHTERS BUSY IN SHELL KNOB

A call came in to Barry County 911 at 11:35pm Sunday night for a home on fire near the Turkey Mountain 1 area.  Central Crossing Firefighters responded from their homes within thirty seconds & were attacking the fire within 10 minutes of the late night call.  Twelve trucks & twenty three firefighters responded to assist.  The home was fully involved upon arrival of firefighters.  The home was still standing when the fire was extinguished but sustained very heavy damage throughout.  Fire crews were at the location until 4am on Monday.  The cause of the fire is under investigation by the Missouri Fire Marshal’s Office & the Barry County Sheriff’s Office. 
 

Rusty Rickard
Chief, Central Crossing Fire District
417-858-3560 office telephone
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May 22, 2010 Central Crossing Masonic Lodge 674 Sponsors Golf Tournament for Shell Knob School

This Saturday, May 22, at 8:30am, at King’s River golf Course, the Central Crossing Masonic Lodge 674 is sponsoring a fundraiser golf tournament.  There will be a 9 am Shot-gun start at King’s River Golf Course.  This is a charity scramble golf tournament for the Shell Knob schools.  If you are interested contact Dan Blanke at 417-858-0175.

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The Mature Adult

Donated by Bernard D.

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”

The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this
street a Coupla blocks and turn to your right.”

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”

The little boy replied with a chuckle. “Awww, come on… You don’t even know the way to the Post Office.”

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King’s River Mixed Doubles Golf Scores In Spite of the Rain

Golfers Score in Spite of Friday evening threat of rain

Mark Kings River Golf Course down as your best golfing Buy-Turn right at the King's River Beach sign for fun!

King’s River Mixed Doubles 

The weather cooperated enough Friday evening so that sixteen of us were able to get in 9 holes of golf. 

First place, with a score of 33, went to the team of Sharp-putting Tammy Brooks, Nick Myers, Linda Petty and Bob York.  Second place went to Jerry Knight, Rob Brooks, Barb Kuhlman and Betty Knight with a 34.  Closest to the pin went to Brenda Myers. 

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Monett, MO Hit Hard by Thursday’s Storm

Pizza Hut roof smashed in Monett, Missouri on Thursday morning

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